you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
