I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
