So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
