I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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