I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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