You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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