just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
