You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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