just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
