He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
barbara walters just said penis...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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