i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
