Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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