one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
