You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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