Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
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I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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