Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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