3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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