4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
