I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
