She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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