alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
