I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
