I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
