I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
