Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they need to just BURY HIM!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
