just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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