We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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