My Higher Power is John Stamos
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
