its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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