At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
