i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
