Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
