So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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