My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
