I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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