May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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