ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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