i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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