this beer tastes like vomit already
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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