I wannas sexs uuuuu
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
