There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
