I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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