Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
