Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
