Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
