Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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