WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
