two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i drank out of a bidet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I AM VODKA MAN
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I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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