Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
