Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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