Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
