Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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