A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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