good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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