if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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