Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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