so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
