Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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