well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
