tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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