I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize