i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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